Time Capsule

I talked with you and again my mind is buzzing to tell you what I think in the best way possible.

Did I still pursue my inner quest, to be better than I was before with you, in my worst possible time and situation?

Allow me to begin.

When it happened, it was so that I used to feel, every passing second of my waking time that I could never be forgiven for what I did.

It came to pass and along with what I felt, there were spurts of harmonic rushes, during which I denied my (in)actions as not quite guilt ridden as I thought earlier.

I would pass the buck, blame you as an equal in the robbery of the goodness in me and then would justify by claiming you to be as wrong as I was in my mind’s eye.

Nothing was wrong and it didn’t have to be that way if you could take the initiative to talk about it.

This came to pass too, I started living two lives.

One the sorry figure(only he didn’t apologize) and the other a carefree bastard(only he did not know it then).

The bastard would continue preaching what he himself didn’t believe once he became the sorry figure. The sorry figure’s life was uni-dimensional in feeling sorry. Sorry for her, sorry to himself, sorry to the world. Needless to say that too did pass and life continued to be a series of really sad phases.

It continued like that till a very real transformation happened, real in the sense I identify it most with the person I still am. This was just before everything I thought/did/felt became meaningless for 10 days or so before the sun started shining again.

We met again with other friends, for old times sake – only the current times hadn’t really ended.

Bryan Adams on the radio sang, “Please forgive me…”

We were hijacked by the moment, you were looking out of the window but I saw your face in the side-view mirror…Objects in it were indeed closer than they appeared. The rivulets of your tears matched your curls – the eyes seemed to be searching the memories going past like the trees on the roadside.

Now I tell you all this to evoke that memory with tears hazing my view.

We were discussing Dasvidaniya before that song began, how you said that it ended aptly before your capacity to take more of the implied sorrow began to fade. Just then, “…still feels like our first night together…“, faded in and we fell silent.

I kissed your hand before I dropped you home, and I held it a little tight before I let go and you said goodnight.

I remember the hopeful drive back home that I had, do you remember me telling you that?

The next day I saw The Truth about Cats and Dogs, that you had always wanted me to see.

Don’t you see the irony now about what Noelle was talking about “Did you ever look in the mirror so long that your face didn’t make sense anymore? It just becomes all these shapes. Just shapes. Not good or bad.” 

You keep staring in the mirror for hours, what is it that you look for?

Do you remember how I drew your cartoon on a paper when we met again that night and quoted the above quote.

In the car you held my hand again and life was worthwhile again…You asked me jokingly how I remembered the complete dialogues of movies…

Don’t you remember anything?

How we laughed later that Bryan Adams was such a corny excuse to infuse in us the love we really felt for each other.

How you felt cheated that I stopped enjoying the sitcoms after marriage.

How I would make genuine efforts to enjoy them but then judge them on the subtle political undertones they espoused.

How you would judge me back for not being able to laugh anymore.

Anything at all?

  1. JatBat
    July 7, 2012 at 22:29

    hassi bari mehngi ho gayi hai duniya mai 😉


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